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Posted By: Sueli on: 02/12/2013 23:01:51 ET
Subject: fkVgXRnDLSoztXw

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Hi Amanda and all those who have shared and bared their soul here,When I loeggd on to PW late yesterday, and saw there were 66 responses to your article, I knew it was going to be a compelling read! But as I was distracted by work, I had to print and read it all last night, every beautiful heart-felt response.Amanda, you verbalised for us what we were all feeling but couldn't explain it. And you have given us all the opportunity to see how our relationships are such great mirrors, for what is going on inside of ourselves.MandyM, thank you so much for sharing your heart-breaking family story, and your courage for understanding how everyone played their role beautifully . I am about to go face my sister and brother, after many years living abroad and out of touch, and like everyone else, there is a lot of baggage there. But I also have that sense of playing out roles.During this Mars Rx I'd been asking where my rage was coming from, in my quest to be my authentic self, and not get so worked up or angry at my own precious family. A recent astrology report mentioned violence in my childhood, and my initial response was Huh? . Then the memories flooded back, how my mother beat me often when I was a little girl. I was the eldest of three, and if there was any trouble with us, I copped it always. If any of us were too slow, or got a little bit dirty, I copped it. If my little sister cruelly pinched me from behind while we had visitors, I dare not flinch, because I would cop it. If my little brother cried for any reason what so ever, even if he dropped his own ice cream, I copped it. And as he's Pisces, he cried a lot!! My mother finally stopped beating me when I was 8 yrs old, when our Dad left her.When this revelation came up, I did not feel sad or angry at how my mother treated me, as within Polynesian families, it is almost normal to be beaten. My husband was beaten six days out of seven by his mum for always sneaking off and disobeying her. But I wondered why she did it, when I was a really good, obedient little girl. She was never beaten as a child herself, as she came from a well-to-do family, and always had people pandering to her needs. Then I was like you, Huffy, always trying to be the peacemaker, so as to avoid any violence or unpleasantness at all costs. What a tough gig for little kids! My conclusion is that she felt burdened by family life, and resented having to wait on us, feeding us, bathing us, clothing us, when it was always her that was waited on. My dad never approved of the beatings, but never stopped them, either. I've only just conciously remembered all this after 40 years.Right now, I absolutely adore the person my mother is. She raised us on her own, she saved every penny to get us through good schools. She taught us to respect authority, and that a little kindness goes a long way. She supported and encouraged all our dreams, and to this day, still spends time with each of us, helping us with our children, and the mundane chores, while we go out and face the world. Most importantly, she taught us that family was everything. And amazingly, all three of us, have worked hard at our relationships, and are all still with our partners for close to 20yrs each now. We remembered how our mother suffered, and how we suffered, when our dad left, and I don't think any of us wanted to do that to our own children. But I will be having a 3 day retreat with Mum on this trip, so I'm really looking to the healing that will come out of this time. And the visits to my sister and brother too.There is so much in the blog to comment on, but I will say that last year, I lost my business, three of the best friends I'd had, one I'd known for over 20 years, certainly part of the clearing out of that which no longer serves us. While it hurt at the time, a year later I can honestly say I got my life back (instead of being chained to the business), I got my husband back, who'd been working overseas we'd spent 2 years together over the last 7. I got my family back, when he came home, the kids were more settled, as was I. We saved our family home, which I'd been fighting for two years with the bank to save. The gains far out weigh the losses. I feel bliss is around the corner. Now, if I could just heal things with myself ..Thank you all, for sharing and caring. We are not alone, look at us all. The mirror shows we are beautiful PS. Getcalm, thank you for sharing the process you went through to find your patterns to release. I'm going to keep a notebook of all my dishonesty's too, and see where it takes me.
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