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Posted By: diane on: 01/26/2011 17:03:52 ET
Subject: RE: Eris the subtle

Message Detail:
Very, very good Mickael. I want to tell my story to add to your analysis.

I have Eris in the 12th, widely conjunct Black Moon Lilith and South Node on the 12th side of the Asc.

There are many markers in my chart of being an outcast, Chiron in the 11th opposing Uranus in the 5th, t-square Moon in Scorp in 7th, just to name one. A big one. I am familiar with the image of being a kid outside a candy store with its nose pressed against the glass, wanting to join all the fun inside, but knowing that I won't fit in.

I have always been able to accept the "strangeness" of people without judgment, as long as it does not include drugs, alcohol or other alterants. I have always been attracted to quirky people and partners. I try to reach a meeting of the minds in my relationships. However, the ending of these relationships always (ALWAYS) involves one form or another of ostracization. I have very distinct past life "feelings" of every form of punishment by ostracization - banishment. The outcasting happens after I "throw my apple" - which to me means that I show my true colors of not being the SAME as others, and my god-given RIGHT to be different, as I accept THEIR differences...

An example: many people are addicted to drama and I can go along with it in a detached way, yet involved, for only so long, and when I finally decide enough is enough and remove myself, not necessarily physically, but totally emotionally from the situation, the parties "turn on me" like rabid wolves and I become the focus of the "new drama". How dare I remove myself? Do I think I'm better than everyone else? Rumors then start flying, and that's when I end up removing myself PHYSICALLY as well from the scene. I see no point in continuing to show up and have to defend myself overtly. I am willing to go so far as to show up and ignore the taunting, but when it comes down to IN YOUR FACE confrontation, I refuse to play. I learned long ago that it is a useless occupation to try to make others see your point of view when they are invested heavily in being "right" in a situation where clearly there is NO right or wrong, there is only perspective.

Most "nuking" (hey, I'm a Scorp Moon) that I do takes place when overt, hostile dishonesty takes place. Lying right to my face is the bottom line. That's when I'm known to speak my truth in the no-holds-barred way of a Scorpio, hug my opponent (yep, why not... we're all human) and then LEAVE.

My blind side is taking too long to see the writing on the wall before "judging" that the situation has gotten out of hand. Because Sedna is very tightly conjunct my Asc. in the first house, I have allowed myself to be "victimized" by virtue of my blindness and hope that people will treat me, as well as others, better - which usually involves the willingness to look within and be ruthlessly honest. Silly me. I forget that most are operating out of an unconscious repetition of their own pain and cannot be led by another to wake up - it's an "inside job". I have a Jupiter/Neptune conjunction in the 7th that explains this. Oh... and by the way, I have a stellium in Virgo.

The unwillingness to assert myself, the fear of taking my own power, has presented the greatest challenge to me. It is hard for me to stand up and say THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES! but... eventually I do it. When it finally happens and I "out" the situation, it's because I have accepted the sad realization that this particular group of people and I have reached an "expiration date" and just like milk gone bad... it will get very stinky if kept around.

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